My Eurotrip Glees

The story so far ,

PLEASE DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU INTEND TO SING ALONG TO IT WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p6fayEC6iQ

GO AWAY IF YOU WILL NOT

Van Goghs house, though we were too cheap to go in,

Bouldering on rocks and doing my legs in,

Meeting with friends who were newly engaged,

These are a few of my euro trip glees . . . .

Visiting Disney and being a small child,

Getting a carer pass sporting a BIG smile,

Trailer park life, and a cold shower

These are a few of my euro trip glees

Dougie goes surfing and I go a biking,

14 hour drives to a flat – felt like hiking

Beautiful gardens but megs is better

These are a few of my euro trip glees.

Great Gelato

Lazy lie in’s,

Being too hot to move,

But then I remember I’m on holiday,

And suddenly I feel OK.

Went to albaracin and did some more climbing

Celebrated Dougies birthday with excitement,

Met Kellyanne and her new boyfriend Ross

These are a few of my eurotrip glees

Backies on bike with dougie driving crazy

Tipsy and wobbly and probably looking shady

Dancing our heads off and giggling a lot

These are a few of my eurotrip glees

Meet up with finly and Susie for  banter

Went to a campsite called orange grove- a

Had long conversations with retirees

These are a few of my eurotrip glees

BARCELONA

DEXTERS A POSER

Looks for the camera

But then I remember how much fun it is

And I pose along with him . . . . 

You know what ? Life isn't fair

“I have cystic Fibrosis”

“Oh I’m really sorry about that”

“ Oh don’t be, you didn’t make it”

I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I use CF for sympathy –usually with dougie when he wants me to go a big walk, or cycle or em make tea or ha ha ha he never buys it.

Here is how I like to see it . . .

I was in a great job, I was in a great place in my life, I have wonderful folk around me, but I have left it all given in my notice etc to come on this trip – Big wows 3 months that’s not long I hear you say. . . .

Well actually I don’t look for change too often, I like the way things are, but I also have been given a very double edged gift from birth.

The gift being -  I always knew time was precious, I never left argument’s un solved,  I forgive easily and though folk say never forget those who do you wrong – I do. The way I see it, I don’t have time for stupidity, stupidity being catty fights, stupidity being worried about the small things, stupidity being not grabbing life by the horns and doing the best bull dancing you can do.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do divulge in stupidity, but I’m often reminded by something that I don’t have the time.

None of us truly have the time . . .. . . but I am fortunate that I am aware of my time, I don’t know when it will run out, or when it will become very obvious that the things I want to do are being taken away from me slowly or quickly ,but I am aware that this TIME isn’t infinite.

At the moment I have a couple of people within my life that are going through hell, no need to name names, but if ever there was a truer word spoken it would be Kate Bush’s “Running up that hill”, knowing only too well what end stage lungs are giving up the fucking ghost is like I wish I was able to give them some rest bite, to share in their struggle, to hold them up for a while and give them the opportunity to walk without thinking about every single bloody breath.

I never felt too much guilt after tx and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing? I felt guilt when Nicola died but now I am feeling a whole lot of guilt – a whole lot of why me’s? A whole lot of what the fuck is happening.

I sometimes wish I had religion to fall into, to whole heartedly believe that god has a plan for the people I care so much about, but I don’t. I’m spiritual, I believe we are not finished when we pass from this body but I don’t have any belief after that.

I struggle to believe in a higher power who would allow this world to go to the pits, who would allow babies being born so ill, who would allow people to suffer so incredibly badly.

I know a number of you will strongly disagree, there is a GOD, he does this to teach us, to let us learn, to be better people. . . . .whatever . . .

I’m just jealous that I can’t have those feelings, those definite thoughts and beliefs.

Just after being listed for tx, when I think it truly sank in the situation I was in, I awoke one night in Dougies bed and was completely inconsolable, I sobbed my heart out for my family, for my friends and loved ones and more importantly and selfishly for myself.

I want to be able to say something to reduce the anxiety, the pain, the horrifying thoughts that dominate their minds,  but I don’t have any words except I know how it feels. And what can they words do?

This is a depressingly sad post but more often than not, this is the life for CF, for lung disease and for dealing with an illness that you know most probably will kill you.

Ah pish . . . . .who’s got a funny story to share???

No man is an island

No man is an island –Hugh Grant about a boy, what a wise actor he is J

Anyways todays topic is going solo but not down in alcapolco – No,. . . . going solo is never something I have done.

Throughout my life I have been surrounded by good people, funny people, sick people , kind people, loving people. Every single kind of person and I give them the gift of knowing life can be tough and shit and they are lucky they don’t have mine. No I’m kidding I have been surrounded by people that have made my journey so far amazing., have supported me, have made me laugh, have made me ever so thankful to be part of their lives.

I put on my facebook the other day something along the line of, ‘it’s not always those you have known the longest who shine the brightest in your life’. I have been so very fortunate within my life, I grew up with a strong, loving, caring and dark humoured family.

I grew up with great, understanding, funny, caring, looked out for me and above all funny friends. I plan to spend the next few days giving insight into the amazing people around me.

I have been very lucky to have been in two long term relationships in  my life(growing up with CF I never thought I would ever find someone who could love me with my flaws and all – I know sounds a bit dramatic, but who wants to live with someone who spend half their time doing medication and the other half coughing up “great balls of fire” no I mean phlegm) – obviously the second far exceeds the first but the first taught me a lot, let me know what to expect and I was accepted into both families.

Growing up with CF I never had trouble with friends, I was loud mouthed, I didn’t often stand back if others were bullied and I got myself into a bit of havoc for that reason.

One of my oldest friends is a boy, he knows who he is, we met at 9 and he took the primary three’s lives upside down with his information on sex. . . . and ladies and gents and everything. I remember asking him to go to the shops not long after he joined our school and from that day on we spent a whole lot of time together .

We both grew up in what is often thought of as an affluent area of Glasgow but we both had in common that neither of our families were minted. We had a common love for food, mine sweets his cakes.

We spent days eating and making videos and generally sitting around. His family were great to me, apart from his brother who once opened the door to me looked at my outfit then closed the door in my face whilst stating ‘oh god’.

 Yes indeed even back then my dress sense was a little distorted and different it makes me laugh now that I stood a further five minutes in the other side of the door before knocking again.

His sister was and is still very beautiful and I learnt all I knew about straightening my hair from her (using a clothes iron, well before GHD’s arrived).

He was/is  my best friend, he got me a teddy every year for my bday, he made me feel incredibly awkward after Sunday dinner at his by telling me I had to leave but I didn’t want to, he was a compulsive liar and I still love the bones of him to this very day.

He never failed in making me laugh and he helped set the bar in what I would later look for in a partner –someone who would make me laugh.

He had a very dark sense of humour and I swear when you have a terminal illness the one gift you can be given is the gift of a sense of humour in the darkest side of life, if you cant laugh about death when you are often facing it then you are what I like to call F_____.

He would never dream of offering me sympathy which I love about him and he is also one of the few people who I truly truly look for for honesty. Even though I don’t see him so often he still makes me smile. The other year he sent me a black patch for clothes it stated “fuck you , you fucking fuck” he said seeing as it was black I could wear it to my mac job, it made me giggle a whole lot.

 He is now following his dreams, and I’m sure he will come up in many blogs but to this day he is still one of the top three gentlemen in my life  . . . Mark Young I’s love you.